Since it’s fall and the weather is turning a little cool I decided it was time to share my knowledge of Texas cuisine with my Vermont friends, bless your hearts, and teach you to make Chili.
First I need to break it to you that the stuff you are making and calling chili is actually bean soup. I can hear you all saying, “It’s not bean soup!” but it is dear hearts. It just is.
You see real Chili absolutely does not have beans cooked in it, or bell peppers, or tomato soup, and it is not served over rice. Now stay with me here ’cause what I’m gonna’ tell you might seem like splittin’ hairs but it’s not.
If you want beans in your Chili you must cook a pot of pintos (not navy or kidney or any other kind of bean, it has to be pintos) separate from the pot of Chili. When both the Chili and the pintos are done it is acceptable to add a spoonful or so of the cooked pintos to your bowl of Chili — absolutely no one will think worse of you for it.
Technically beans are a condiment to Chili and are not part of the Chili itself. Other condiments to sprinkle on top of your Chili are shredded cheddar (yellow not white,) coarsely chopped onions, a little hot sauce, some chopped or sliced jalapenos, and crumbled crackers, and a buttered corn tortilla to sop up the last little bit of Chili can’t hurt.
I hate to admit it but some chain restaurants in Texas also serve sour cream with their Chili but most Texans know better than to order Chili there. For the best Chili you have to go to a neighborhood hole-in-the-wall owned and run by a family of Mexican Americans who’ve been serving up Chili for the last upteen years. And, it’s also probably the best place in town to get breakfast tacos. My mouth is watering so bad I can hardly stand it.
What I have to tell you next is truly heartbreaking but you will never be able to make real Chili here because, unless you grind it yourself, you can’t get chili meat. Chili meat looks like very coarsely ground hamburger meat. But things aren’t completely bleek, the good news is that you can make do with just plain old ground meat and it will still taste the same – won’t be the right texture but the taste will be fine. Vegetarians can also use ground protein crumbles. They won’t taste the same but you do what ya gotta do.
Okay now for a few recipe options. If you want to go the quicker than quick route and are willing to lie and say you made it yourself you can buy Wick Fowler’s chili mix. It’s actually Wick Fowler’s 2 Alarm Chili which makes this next part redundant but unless you like it really hot you should make the “mild” option and omit the red pepper. If you’re brave and were raised in Mexico or eat wasabi as a snack go ahead and go for the whole enchilada.
If you’re really pressed for time and can tell a whopper with a straight face you can get a can of Woolf Brand chili. It’s not quite the Tex-Mex equivalent of Spaghettios but it’s getting close. That said it’s not bad if you’re craving chili on a Sunday afternoon and the game is about to start.
Now for some authentic Tex-Mex Chili recipes I found online – it was just too much trouble to type my favorite recipe out for ya but these two sound close and all I had to do is add a link. The first is Tex-Mex Chili Authentic San Antonio and the other one is Will Rogers Chili. I’m not sure why it’s named after legendary folk humorist Will Rogers when it says is Ma Fergeson’s recipe. I’ve heard tell that men have been known to take credit for a woman’s hard work now and then, but maybe that’s harsh — I mean he could have help stir the pot, or chopped onions, or maybe even eat some of it.
Anyway, you know I always want the best for you, bless your hearts, so I’m urging you to take a risk and make yourself a big ole pot of Texas Chili. It’ll grow hair on your chest and you won’t have to eat that bean soup any more — not that there’s anything wrong with that!

